Sunday, June 12, 2011
So after my date with my “Favorites Twin” I looked up the word “uncanny.” When I used it in my previous post, I used it to mean “seemingly unnatural or superhuman,” like in a good way. The part of the definition that I’m using now is the part that means “beyond what is expected” and “severe, punishing.” I think it’s a perfect fit. This is a photo of MIke Kelly's exhibition titled "The Uncanny" from marynowsky.wordpress.com/2006/07/27. I think Mike definitely is going with the same meaning as I am here:
The date started with me not being able to find the coffee shop where we were supposed to meet. I was twenty minutes late and he was walking out into the parking lot to leave when I got there. I bought myself a coffee (I know, right? If it’s just a coffee he should at least offer) and we sat down. Our conversation was pretty forced. It was the kind of conversation that doesn’t build, or expand, it just starts over on a new topic when the last one runs out. Here’s a bit of dialogue for you:
Me: “So you said you like Mexican food. What’s your favorite restaurant?”
Him: “ El Adobe.”
Me: “Really? I love El Adobe. They have such great margaritas! What do you get when you go there?”
Him: “Well I like the mole. It’s pretty good. With the chicken. Or I get the number seven with two tacos and an enchilada. Or sometimes I like to get it with two enchiladas and one taco... (long pause, with him looking off into the distance)... or sometimes the tomales.
Me: "Oh. That's cool."
I’ll just stop there. Somewhere in the pause between the tacos and the tomales I realize this is not going to work out. We do have a TON of things that we both like or like to do, I just could never date someone I have to put effort into having a conversation with. It was exhausting. I wrote him a "let's just be friends" email. Wow. Two rough ones in a row. What if my first date was the only normal one out there? The next twenty-two dates could be excruciating. I might carve my eyeball out with a spoon or something.
Here’s what I learned: Having things in common does not mean someone is a good match. It’s more about how you talk, how easy it is to sit next to them and trade stories and laugh with them, than about having similar topics to cover. I think I could have had a better time talking with someone about slow-growing coral or the history of Swiss banks if they were confident and humorous and open.
My next date: Date two with The Hunter. He said he was planning it. I hope we’re not gutting a deer or something. Eek!