Saturday, June 11, 2011

On the Rocks

Okay, The Runner had not been mauled by a bear. But the uni-picture was still a warning I should have heeded. There were other warnings, too. He hadn’t ever been to the restaurant I invited him to (which is extremely well known here in Reno). This screamed “I don’t go out...ever”, but I was so convinced this guy would be perfect that I completely ignored it. 
So I arrived at the restaurant with my hair flat-ironed, my hard-to-get-on hot-butt jeans on, and two coats of mascara. This is an amazing amount of coiffing for someone that will wear the same shirt three days in a row. I was thinking, of course, that I wanted The Runner to think I was every bit as great as I claimed in my profile. I wouldn’t want my unknown suitors to be disappointed. This is evidently not a universal concern in internet dating. 
A middle-aged-looking, completely gray-haired man opened the door of the restaurant for me and I thanked him as I walked in, looking around for my date. Then it hit me. The middle-aged guy WAS my date. The picture must have been an antique. 
Okay, I collected myself and decided to make the best of it. In truth, he was still pretty good looking, but more like George Clooney and I am really looking for more of a Ben Afflec. Damn. Despite my best attempt at being positive, the dinner didn’t really ever get better. My face hurt from fake smiling as we small talked. He ordered a Ketel One on the rocks with two olives, or maybe it was three-- either way it was a specific number. I think it might have been an attempt to seem authoritative. It didn’t work-- he just seemed sort of picky. 

Here's a cartoon to capture the feeling of the date: 

Cartoon: toon 18 (medium) by kernunnos tagged worms,martinis,olives,holes,spots,invertebrates,inebriates,alcoholics,anonymous,am,powerless

Did you laugh? Did you get it? I didn't. Just kinda awkward, right? That's exactly how I felt for an hour and forty-two minutes.

I’m sure The Runner is somebody’s dream date. He was polite, gentlemanly and considerate, but I was really not comfortable being myself with him. I felt like he didn’t know me any better at the end of dinner than he did at the beginning; so when he asked me to out for drinks afterwards, I went home instead (insert sad tuba sounds here). 
Here’s what I learned tonight: I value self-confidence and a sense of humor way more than I value manners and politeness. Also, I have a strong distaste for deception-- but who doesn’t? I wish he had been a fun, confident, outgoing person that had just been mauled by a bear. 
Tomorrow’s date: morning coffee with my “Favorites Twin”-- we have so many favorites in common it’s uncanny. His quote on his profile is by my favorite (and not-so-well-known) singer, we both think San Diego is perhaps the greatest place on earth, and going to the zoo is one of our favorite things to do. At least we’ll have lots to talk about.  

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